2007-12-11
Aged to Perfection
Today I turned a quarter of a century old. If I were a car, I'd be vintage. If I were a computer, I'd be obsolete. If I were a lamp, I'd almost be an antique.
I'm in a very different place in life than I thought I'd be five or ten years ago. When I was in high school, I pictured my future self as a doctor, a psychiatrist to be exact (it changed to obstetrics in college). I knew I wanted a family, but that it would have to wait until I was closer to thirty. I also remember being scared that I would never find a husband, that I would go through my child-bearing years alone and waiting for someone that may never come. Of course, that's not how it happened. If you would have told me I'd be a stay-at-home-mom at 25, I would not have believed you. After I would have realized that you were serious, I probably would have cried. I would not have been able to comprehend what the advantage was being a SAHM versus a doctor! Because although my goals were great goals, ambitious goals, I evolved as a person.
That's the one thing I didn't take into account in "planning my life." We, as people, are continuously evolving. Our wants, needs, oppurtunities, opinions, and life experiences are constantly being modified, and therefore our goals and ambitions are changing, too. For some reason I just always believed I would feel the same way about these things. I don't. I'm still struggling with allowing myself to change my mind to reflect my new wants and needs, because I ended up believing that the commitment to the things I dedicate my life energy to is more important than my actual wants. It was a long and hard process to change my life to reflect my decision to not be a doctor. I felt as though I was betraying myself in changing my mind. If I couldn't trust myself, who could I trust? I also felt ashamed; I was worried that everybody else secretly felt disappointed in me. Of course, I'm sure nobody really cared too much since college students are constantly changing their majors (except my mom, who made her feelings clear, but we have a weird relationship that I do things just to spite her anyway so it didn't matter). But I still felt that way. Every time my feelings change about something I once felt very strongly about, I feel like I've lied to everyone, and it's so hard to admit that my original opinion was "wrong." (I always have a hard time admitting I'm wrong.) And I still struggle with accepting my ever-changing desires, and changing my goals accordingly. I still try to plan my life. I still haven't learned that...life is like a river...ever changing as it flows...and the dreamer's just a vessel, that must follow where it goes (Good Lord I love Garth Brooks, I couldn't help it).
Anyway, now I am a homemaker, a Maker of the Home. It is a job that I never thought to prepare for; while I was taking AP History I should have been taking sewing. (Seriously!! WTF was I thinking? I hate history! I love to sew! It should have been an obvious choice!) But it's a job that I love, that I feel comfortable in, that I feel satisfaction in. I am happy. While it is easy to review the benefits of being a doctor and wonder how much better my life would have been, I know that I either wouldn't have Bekah at all, or not be able to spend the time with her that I do now. And ultimately that--family--is more important to me than money and status, more important than owning a big house and having nice new things, shiny BMW's and spiffy iPhones, and vacationing in the Bahamas every spring. Even though at 15 I would have looked at my 25 year old life and wonder what went wrong, I look at it now and think that I have done everything (nearly) perfectly, that everything is as it was meant to be.
naturephilic at 11:39 p.m.
2007-09-25
Lessons In Parenting: Solids and the Poop That Accompanies Them
Guess what I have! Pink-Eye in both eyes! S-E-X-Y!
We started Bekah on solids a few weeks ago. She didn't really make any of those crazy baby faces that you see on video clips of babies being fed new foods. It was more like she just looked at us like, "WTF is this?" She's never felt squishly things like mashed foods, so it was a totally new experience for her.
We've fed her mashed bananas and squash so far. Guess what I learned...mashed bananas stain fabrics BLACK, and squash will stain light colored plastics orange. Lovely. She's not as keen on eating them, either, just mostly making sure every square inch of surface around her is covered in it. Oh well. This week we'll start on avocado.
And let me tell you, solid food makes all the difference in POOP. Gone are the days of scentless and liquidy poop that is a breeze to clean up and only makes an appearance twice a week. Not anymore folks. Now we have mashed-potato-like poop that smells to high heaven and is a BITCH to clean off the cloth diapers. And it seems to get everywhere. Now I have to go into decontamination mode every time I change a poopy diaper, making sure there's not poop in her hair, in between her toes, and on the vertical blinds behind me (it's happened several times, don't ask me how).
We had her six-month-checkup last week. Everything went fine; the doctor (actually, physician's assistant) didn't freak out over her hernia like the last guy and actually was cool with us doing delayed/selected vaccinations and family bed. Which I must admit, if I let her have her way, would be Daddy and Bekah's Bed, Mom Sleeps On The Floor. She's such a bed hog and gets mad when I snuggle with her too much. She's been sleeping in her bassinette more lately for that reason (and also because she's so adept at falling off of beds), and I'll have to buy a crib soon because she's much too big for her bassinette, even though she's only 20%ile for height, surprise surprise.
My mother bought her a walker yesterday and she's taken to it better than I thought. Although her feet barely touch the floor, she's getting a hang of the buttons and gadgets on the top part. Her favorite part is getting to be with her mommy while her mommy does the intarwebs.
naturephilic at 10:33 a.m.
2007-09-08
Doctor's Visits and the Antics That Cause Them
Blech. Bekah fell off the bed today. She was sleeping on the bed in our room, my mom was sleeping in her room, and Jason and I were napping on the couch in the living room, when all of a sudden I am being pushed off the couch and being told, "Move!" I tumbled to the floor, trying to figure out what the hell was going on, and then I realized she was crying loudly, which is normal wake-up behavior for her. So I figured Jason was there with her and everything was quite normal, but then he comes out to the living room with her in his arms, still bawling her little eyes out, and exclaimed that she had fallen off the bed. I'm still sitting on the floor, half-asleep and foggy, and I'm all like, she fell off the whatnow? Both Jason and I tried to get her to calm down, but only going outside with him actually did the trick. Miraculously, she had fallen into a bunch of Jason's pillows that he chucks on the bed throughout the night (why on earth does he need so many pillows?), although she has a red mark on the top of her head presumably from hitting the side rail on the bedframe. After she stopped crying (which was within a couple minutes of her lesson in gravity) she was her cheery old self. Since I layed her down with her head towards the side of the bed she fell off of, I think she woke up, got bored, scooted so her head was over the edge of the bed, thought that was groovy (she loves being upside-down) and decided to see if she could make the rest of her body upside-down, too.
Daughter and Father
I need to make an appointment for her 6-month well-baby visit on Monday. I'll ask about the bump on her head then, since my mom wasn't too concerned about it when it happened. I think I found a good family practice D.O. that also does obstetrics and is crunchy-friendly, AND is part of my insurance network. Score! I need to get in, too, for a well-woman visit. Might as well, as I've paid my entire $2500 deductable for the year.
naturephilic at 10:36 p.m.
2007-09-07
On Being An Effective Tourist
It's funny, whenever I make hot chocolate I always fill the mug with milk too close to the top, creating a mess. I'll never learn. I must have made hundreds of mugs of hot chocolate for myself over the course of my life so far and I always have to have just a little more. I don't even know why, because I like the little bit of froth on the top the best. After that's gone I wait for the rest of it to cool in order to drink it more quickly so I don't have a half-consumed mug of chocolate sitting around. It's funny, for instance, how I get a little more adept every time I chop an onion, but I always seem to screw up a mug of hot chocolate. Some things in life, I just cannot master.
Freedom, Cannon Beach, Oregon
My Dad was in town this week, and boy did we ever show him around! It was quite a whirwind of this and that, here and there.
On Tuesday we started the day by going to visit the hospital my mom works at, OHSU. We rode the arial tram round-trip, and while we were at the bottom we stopped at a new coffee shop in the South Waterfront and rested on a bench overlooking the Willamette. We also checked out the OHSU farmer's market, where I saw real loaves of artisan bread for the first time (how uncultured!), which makes me want to start up breadmaking even more, but I know it's not in the plan at this point in my life. Then we shot over to the Pearl District in downtown Portland, where we walked around, checking out the storefronts, architecture, and homeless people. My mom and I stopped in this Asian-decor/jewelry/antique furniture store, and she bought some fish windsocks for Boy's Day. After we got home, we (along with Jason) went out to eat at Rose's Deli, where I found out what a Matzo Ball was, and also ate a delicious chocolate mousse cake. Yum!
Microcosmic, Cannon Beach, Oregon
On Wednesday, we woke up early (well, for us anyway) and drove up to Cannon Beach, where we got an beachfront suite at the Hallmark Inn with quite the view of Haystack Rock. The weather was cool but pretty good for the Oregon coast, and we all froze...I mean dipped...our feet in the water. It was low tide, so we got to see some interesting creatures in the tidepools, like anemone and little fish, although no starfish like my mom was hoping for. We ate out at Dooger's Seafood (I think that was the name). That evening we found out that Bekah thinks birds are funny; I'm kicking myself for not getting any video of her laughing at the seagulls on our balcony, because it was really cute!
Haystack Rock, Cannon Beach, Oregon
The next day we did some more relaxing before we checked out and took off for Newport. The drive was really nice and we caught a quick glance of some awesome sand dunes. It was quite crazy, like the Sahara Desert in the middle of coastal forest. Anyway, we stopped in Lincoln City where we ate at Mo's Restaurant and ate some of their Famous Clam Chowder, which I don't think is all that special, but I'm not a foodie either. Oh well. Later we got to Newport and stopped at Yaquina Bay State Park to look at the bridge and the lighthouse. Then we wandered up and down the Historic Bayfront. I got to show my parents The Hippy Shop, which is not the real name but instead a name I gave it because I don't really know what it's called but one would figure out what I mean when they saw it. They bought Bekah a tie-dye onsie, right on. The sea lions were also lounging around on the lower docks like they were the last time we were there. On the way home by way of Highway 18, we enjoyed the views of farmland as it reminded us of "back home" a.k.a. North Dakota, although I don't think any of us would go back without substantial bribes.
Today we toured the Japanese Gardens in Portland's Washington Park. It was really beautiful, and a time to reflect on our heritage. They had koi the size of cats, it was awesome. If I lived closer, it would be a great place to bring a book and read. Our last stop was to Multnomah Falls, an oldie but goodie. The falls are literally pretty simple: pretty & simple, look & let's go. On the way to and from the falls my parents saw how immense the Columbia River is. And sadly, the very last stop was the Portland Airport where we said goodbye to Dad and then drove home.
Japanese Gardens, Portland, Oregon
And even with all of that sightseeing, my Dad never got to see Mt. Hood, Astoria, the Waterfront, the SGI Community Center, Mt. Tabor, and all of the other things we wanted to see. So I hope he'll come back and do another four crazy days. And I hope that Jason can take some time off of work next time so we can all go together!
Grandpa and Grandma Rogers, Portland, Oregon
naturephilic at 9:20 p.m.